Living with Diabetes

In my case, you do not... You feel so bad that you just continue on the destructive track and tell yourself that you will eat better for dinner and exercise before sleeping...

First of all, I will like to state that I think of my blood glucose meter as a girl. So when I talk about it, I always do it in the feminine form. What she ( my meter ) says is what goes. My meter cab control how I start my day. If I wake up and she gives me a good number, then I coast through the rest of the day a much happier person. If she gives me a number that is too high right in the morning, I know that it is going to be one of those hard days. It sure is hard to recover from a bad morning number on my meter. Sometimes the meter loves to blow my fun cover. Like the other day I was rolling through the day a happy camper and was thinking that the sugars must be doing good as my body seems to not want to drop like it is made of lead. So I happy brought her out of her case and poked myself and waited eagerly for the results....298. I was lost. She had taken the winds out of my sails. And sure enough I got lethargic right after that..What is up with that. The...

I have been trying to understand this whole depression, feeling blue thing. Why do some of us diabetics suffer with it so much? It is amazing how depression is so prevalent amongst the diabetics. Not sure if this is a factor of some chemical changes due to the lack of insulin or is it the fact that we have to spend our time worrying about what is going in and what the sugars might be running and what the future is bringing. If you are looking towards a future with possible amputations, blindness, sores, ulcers, it is kind of hard to be upbeat about it !!!! The closest analogy I could come up with was a person skating on thin ice. You are feeling good as ypou are skating and can feel the cool wind on your face and feel free with the movements. But under you, the dark swirling waters are always existing. It is just a matter of time and chance that the ice might break and you get wet again. Hopefully you are alble to pull yourself back up and come back on the ice sheet and be safe. I ...

Sometimes I feel like diabetes has me trapped in a a jail. I can see the world outside from a small window and can see others have the freedom to roam free and enjoy their lives, but I have to stay within the confines. Like any other good prisoner who craves the freedom, I break out of my cell one in a while and go romping around the hillsides. But soon enough the Diabetic police catch up with me and bring me back. My hands are always tied in the back. I would like to be free and spread myself wide and reach as high as I can, but the cuffs keep me in check. They are my own good, to keep me and others safe.

Now that I am using the bus, there is so much more time to read. Last week I decide to get back at reading the diabetes related books. A while back one of the companies had sent me a book to review for them. I would totally recommend this book for any person to read. The book is very well put together and a lot of fun to read. I was entertained reading it and learnt some new facts and brushed up on old ones. The little research briefs that are sprinkled through the book really helped my scientific brain. Grab a copy when you get a chance - It is definitely time to read some more. I feel better reading it and learning some more.

It is a lesson that I seem to have to keep getting once in a while. Sometimes I want the changes to come fast, infact really fast. I put in a lot of effort, then I get discouraged when the results are not what I would like to see and then obviously I end up quitting the stuff and basically give up. I read somewhere that it take about 6 months for a habit to change. So the idea is to make small change into the habit or the behavior and then let it soak into the routine of life for about 6 months and then you make more smaller changes. Sometimes I think that 6 months is a long time, but then when I think back, 6 months was march this year. It is not that long of a time.

I have started using the bus to go to work. I started it in the month of September and I have managed to keep it up. It has added more time to my commute, but also gives me a chance to walk about 40 mins a day and I get to relax and listen to music on the bus. So now I am not getting a lot of sleep, still just 5-6 hours a day, but I am not in danger of a car wreck or anything since someone else is driving me. This seems to be potentially beneficial deal for me. Hopefully I can continue it in the winter months, especially when it starts to rain in Seattle.

Got my latest A1C, it came out as 6.8 It has dropped from 7.0 the last time I checked, but I was hoping for lower. Also I have gained 3 more pounds in the last 6 months, which is not so good. So the quest to get healthier continues...

I am going in to see the doctor tomorrow. I will get the results of the various tests. I have not been in for almost 6 months now. Bot good. Like always there is a little nervousness. Not sure what to expect. I am always a little worried that my A1C would have gone through the roof. My triglycerides would be too high...I might need to get onto some newer medications. My blood pressure is al;ways high when I go in to see him. I am nervous. I have tried some relaxation techniques, but they leave me really fast once I am in there. But most of the time once he tells me the results I am all calm. Then you have the data and you can start to work on a program to make it better for yourself.

I know that when the long weekend rolls up I start to feel like I need time..yada..yada ...and start to slip into the familiar negative regions. So I am going to avoid it all this time with these ideas - 1) Monitor my mood - I will watch as I change from a happy positive person and figure out ways to life my mood. There is so much good to look at and bask in. 2) Think of the Sun - I will think about all the good that God has given in my life and not let the current situation with the difficulties keep me down. I will put my trust in God (This is going to be the hardest , to just let go). I have been blessed with lots of good time in the past and will have a lot of good time in the future. I need to trust and do all the things that I need to do to weather through this set of difficulties. 3) Clear your mind - Another idea that I can already see the benefits for. I will not focus on the negatives. It is hard, but I will push negative thoughts aside and meditate on all the good.

I was reading a book that talked about making acceptance as the first step before you start dealing with tough things. The idea is to accept the truth. You have to step up and accept what is true and then you can feel bad about it and then start making a plan to get the better of it. I think I have accepted diabetes. But probably not had the stage where I voiced my dispair over yet. I still end up at time very despondent as to why I was given this GIFT in my life.

I am terrified with the idea that my diabetes can eventually lead to a limb being aputated. Check out this new latest article on how some of them can be avoided - http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32542672/ns/health-diabetes/

My family, mainly my wife, has been the pillar of my support structure. In the last few months she herself is having her issues and the kids are demanding more time as they grow up, so recently most of her time was taken away and my support structure crumpled. So now I am beginning to realize how much I need it and wondering how I should setup a new one. Some ideas swimming in my head - 1) Make sure that the structure is not sitting on just one pillar. Like anything else in the world, there needs to be redundancy. I think having four pillars will be ideal. Still need to know who will be these four pillars. 2) Make sure that the support gets stronger as time goes by. So need to acknowledge and keep visiting the shortcomings of the structure. Needs regular maintenance. 3) Know that everybody needs it, so be willing to be other people support pillars. Give back what you get.

I was hoping that this summer I will be able to exercise and reduce the fat around the belly. But as we end this summer, I am still where I started. I am not as commited to this weight loss thingy as I should be.

It is starting to cool down in Seattle. I guess Summer is already nearing its end. Along with the cold in the night, I start to get numb fingers. It is quite annoying. I hate the feeling of waking up in the middle of the night and finding numb fingers or sometimes the whole hand. I tell myself to shove them in a blanket or under a pillow to warm them up, but in the back of my mind I am always thinking, is this the start of nerve damage that I hear about from all other diabetics? It is a major stress in the back of the mind that I keep bottled up. After having discovered eye damage last year, I am always just a little scared of when and where the nerve damage is going to strike me. Irrational fear, but that is what it is. My favorite, I guess I can call it that, site to read up on this is the http://diabetes.niddk.nih.gov/dm/pubs/neuropathies/ site. If you can fully trust the governments word, which I sometimes do with a grain of salt, you can read up this information. I am always worr...

A lot of diabetics struggle with the inclusion of fruits in our diets. We always tend to associate fruits with sugars as they are sweet and they do have a very sugary taste. Due to this a lot of my diabetic friends tend to avoid fruits at time. I think that is a big mistake. Fruits are and should be an essential part of the diet. They are loaded with so many goodies like fiber, vitamins and minerals. It would be a shame to miss out on the natural sources of these and keep trying to supplement with other vitamins and minerals. The resource I use for checking on my fruits is the Glycemic index database avalable at - http://www.glycemicindex.com/ This site gives me the information on how much the serving size for the fruit is, you do not want to loose track of the carb counting. It also tells me how soon the sugar will metabolize in my system. The sugars in the fruits is fructose and it metabolizes a little differently.

Makes you lazy so hard to move, but then you spend most of the time in water to cool yourself and get loads of exercise without feeling like you are getting it. Remember to drink lots of water to stop any possible dehydration. Diabetics have worser effects when dehydrated.

Imagine this, you are sailing the oceans in a nice sailboat. The winds are catching nicely on the sails and you are sailing effortlessly. Then suddenly the wind dies out. You are now sitting in a nice boat with the sail all limp and no sign of any wind and you are wondering now what will I do. Something like this is happening with my diabetes right now. I feel like I was sailing and there was lots of winds helping me coast and suddenly it is all gone. I am sitting in the middle and waiting to see if a new wind comes along so I can take a ride and start moving again.

O had an interesting chat with another fellow diabetic from India. Seems like both of us had heard and beloieved that fenugreek, aka Methi, seeds are good for the diabetes. We were both taking it. He talked about being advised to eat them raw with a glass of water. My in-laws actually grind up the seeds and eat a spoonful with breakfast. I soak my seeds overnight and eat them with the water in the morning. I used to eat them the first thing in the morning, but based on something my dad said, I now eat them with breakfast. My experience is that the effects are there whichever method you choose. So eat some seeds and drink lots of water. And control your diet and get some exrcise. The Methi seeds are not any miracle pill, there is none.

Diabetes is a life changing disease. It makes you change the way you live the rest of your life. I am happy with the way my life is now. I have a lot more energy and vigor now that I know how to control it. Somedays I do slip, like during festivals and weddings and I find myself in the same state I was in before the disease. But I am able to catch myself and come back.

Sometimes I wish that there was a stronger system of control on the human system. It would be nice to decide what you want the whole combo to do. I would Iike - - The body to want to feel stronger and more muscular. - The heart to be warmer to others feelings - The brain to control cravings for things..

I feel my time off and being far away from home is catching up. I feel a lot more lazy and seem to be like and outsider who is watching a show of another persons sugars slowly creeping higher.

Funny how you imagine life in the vacation time when you are planning for it. I had imagined myself having time to have great diet and choose the right foods and make some since now I have to time. I had thought that I would be exercising at least an hour each day. I had imagined a active life with time outside with the kids. So what do I really have two weeks into the vacation - I feel more bloated and can feel a definite increase in the waist size. I am spending much more time lazying around the house. I am not eating better, but worser and moving lesser, so the sugars are touching new heights. Now to wrestle the control back and take control of my mind, body, time and vacation.

I recently got this comment from a fellow diabetic who was recently diagnosed. I think he was trying to understand why the early onslaught. I remember being in there myself. I kept questioning why I would become diabetic this early in life. Was it - - The stress of work and marriage - Being Overweight - Lack of exercise - Too much of a sweet tooth - Too much beer - Smoking......... and so many more. Eventually I came to realize that these are all things that helped being the inevitable on earlier than what it would come on otherwise. There is no one way to get diabetes. If there was then someone could just say. eat so many sweets that they become diabetic. This is not true. You see hundreds of people around you abusing sugar, becoming obese but they are suffering from the diseases. I think genetic plays a hand here and the rest of the environment stuff will help to hinder an early onslaught.

I cannot believe that it has been 5 years since I have been diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. So many things have happened since then. I feel like I have gone through a roller coaster of emotions and treatments. Though while I was going through them they did not seem this crazy. I have often thought about Diabetes as being a learning exercise. After 5 years of learning the basics, I think now I am going in for the Kindergarden stage. Now some more building blocks will be put in. I plan on reading up a lot more about the disease and maybe get involved a little bit on the science behind the suffering.

Last night I was having a discussion with my wife and the initial years of eating large amounts of meat came about. So in the night as I stayed awake thinking about a lot of stuff, I imagined how cool it would be to be a bystander and watch my own life with diabetes. Would it not be cool if I could just sit outside and watch me make the odd decisions that I did take. I wonder if I would think that this person is making silly mistakes but is getting things in control as he moves forward, or will I be frusterated that this person is just not learning and keeps making the same mistakes over and over again. Will I be judging myself from the sidelines and saying this guy is not going to last that long... Make you wonder how the rest of world on the sidelines is looking at you and what they are thinking .... Think about it.... Maybe the lesson is to be careful in judging others when we ourselves are on their sidelines...

I have been working on making changes to turn back into a positive leaf but it is a harder puzzle than I had ever expected. Last week I am working hard to just not act out on the negative impulse. But that is really not much of a progress. The trick is to fill the head with the positive thoughts. Not sure if it will just hit me like a lightening bolt and I will change or is this something I can train my brain to do. Nothing is clear in this mess of muddy waters. But I will think positively. I am telling myself that it is a process and I will be able to achieve it. Just needs lots of patience, lots of practice and a good sense of humor.

MorBefore I had to deal with Diabetes, I always was a little gung ho about life. I felt like you needed to enjoy and live the way you want to since life was to be enjoyed. Then I discovered I got diabetes. Funny thing, with diabetes the chances of you knocking off the earth are so much higher. But my philosophy began to change. Now that I knew that my chances for survival are lesser than the average man, I actually worried about what I would be leaving behind. In all fairness, I also had my daughter at the same time. So a combination of events made me realize that yes, we are all going to die. But instead of having a ball for myself, I started to think about what I leave behind for others too. So I discover that being selfish my not be the best way to be when you die. Not that I have changed much in the last 5 years, but atleast I have figured something out :-) Now for the actual changing part...whew....

Last couple of days I have been feeling a odd sensation in my left arm. I feel some small aches in the chest area too. If I am distracted I do not notice anything, but otherwise I can get worried. I am wondering if I should just go in and get tested even though it might just be gas os something? Maybe it is all in my head. Having diabetes is such a pain sometimes. I get worried going to sleep since I read that a lot of diabetics die a silent hear t failure death in their sleep. I am sure this is just plain paranoia and am hoping that writing it down calms my nerves some.

In two small works - I FAILED I was a miserable failure. By the second day I had forgotten all about being positive and was wallowing in negative emotions. I keep struggling to come out of it, but not yet successful. Then last week I saw a movie, FIREPROOF. Excellent movie and very motivating. I am trying out the book. I have done the first day and am feeling positive. This is a 40 day course compared to the seven day diet. I think this time I can do it.

Lately I am noticing a connection between the weather and my disposition. The clearer and Sunnier the weather, the better I feel. I had not noticed this before. I wonder if this is a result of the medication and the advancing of diabetes. It could also be that I am on vacation and am noticing the weather now. When at work, the outside weather has very little bearing on how you are doing.

Yesterday I woke up to a morning fasting sugar of 70. I have not seen a number that low ever in my diabetic life. I was excited that I must be doing something right to get my numbers in this great range. I had a momentary day dream of me being almost non diabetic :-) Then out of the blue I worried. What if this is dangerous. Should my sugar be going this low. What if it kept going lower while I was sleeping and I would not have caught it. Funny how being diabetic ends up giving us a hard time even when good things are happening. Anyway I told myself to be happy and had a great day.

I seem to hear this word a lot these days. I wonder what would constitute being stupid? Is it stupid to know that you are diabetic but still eat a candy bar in one sitting? Is it stupid to eat like a normal person and hang all hope of sugars on medications? Is it stupid to experiement with extremely low amounts of carbs in your diet? Is it stupid to hang all hope for a cure on the stem cells? Is it stupid to not keep on dwelling on the past? Is it stupid to crave a nice donut once you know it can kill you? Is it stupid to not have gotten your self checked regularly? I just feel stupid today!!!

I have a big cold. My nostrils are fully stuffed and I am unable to breathe. I hate the inability to get a good nights sleep with continuous draining down the throat. Also do not like the body aches that accompany a cold like this. And not to mention the high sugar numbers. I am thinking about taking some Glyburide to help ride it out.

So this is the first Monday of the year and I come into office all sure that I have started off the year with my resolution to loose weight. And what do I want into, a temptation island. There is leftover goodies from all people. It is hard to walk around the office without running into someone or the other offering candies etc. So I stop to walk and sit in my room with the door closed. Then I printed something and walked over to the printer and BAM there are goodies next to the printer. Everyone seems to be wanting to get rid of their own temptations and what better way than to offer it to the rest of the world.... I am clinging on the last threads of internal strength.

Well 2009 is here. It is time to take a look at what happened last year and what is coming up for the New Year. Last year was interesting, I started on more medication and got a much better control on the A1C. But I also discovered eye damage starting the in the eyes and discovered that I need to add some more testosterone into my system. My muscular strength increased, but my eight went up too. I was happier but discovered that my whole disposition towards being negative is hampering everything in my life. I have simple desires from the coming year. First, I want to loose atleast 10 lbs in the year. I am starting the year at 184.6 lbs. I will need to be careful of what I eat and exercise more regularly. Second, I want to be happier. Now this falls into my desire to be more positive in life. Not sure what all I need to do, but I am making an effort. I wake up and tell myself - "I choose to be happy." A simple statement, but it lets me know that being happy is my choice., Nobo...