Living with Diabetes

I have been working on making changes to turn back into a positive leaf but it is a harder puzzle than I had ever expected. Last week I am working hard to just not act out on the negative impulse. But that is really not much of a progress. The trick is to fill the head with the positive thoughts. Not sure if it will just hit me like a lightening bolt and I will change or is this something I can train my brain to do. Nothing is clear in this mess of muddy waters. But I will think positively. I am telling myself that it is a process and I will be able to achieve it. Just needs lots of patience, lots of practice and a good sense of humor.

Well 2009 is here. It is time to take a look at what happened last year and what is coming up for the New Year. Last year was interesting, I started on more medication and got a much better control on the A1C. But I also discovered eye damage starting the in the eyes and discovered that I need to add some more testosterone into my system. My muscular strength increased, but my eight went up too. I was happier but discovered that my whole disposition towards being negative is hampering everything in my life. I have simple desires from the coming year. First, I want to loose atleast 10 lbs in the year. I am starting the year at 184.6 lbs. I will need to be careful of what I eat and exercise more regularly. Second, I want to be happier. Now this falls into my desire to be more positive in life. Not sure what all I need to do, but I am making an effort. I wake up and tell myself - "I choose to be happy." A simple statement, but it lets me know that being happy is my choice., Nobo...

I continue on the journey to becoming a positive person. The last week I had more than one meltdowns, but they were lesser in number and were lasting for shorter durations. It is weird to analyze your own negative meltdowns. It seems to start like a deep rumbling in the bowels of my mind. It starts to swell and burst up into the forefront. When it hits the surface it seems to be traveling so fast that there is no stopping it. I have tried to stifle it, but that never works and it blows out later. Best is to let it come to the surface and have it pass. I try to remove myself from the situation if I can. If not, I focus my mind to something religious. It is weird but the process of turning positive is also making more more religious. Funny how that seems to be related.

In one of my last few posting I talked about going on a seven day diet for the mind to turn some of the negativity around and enter the realm of a positive thinker like Dr Peale. I have tried to go on the diet about three times and failed miserably. But like King Bruce and his spider, I refuse to give up. I started it back up again on Monday and seem to be doing better. Still not as good as I can be, but I think that is the whole point. You have to keep practicing till it becomes second nature. Key thing I have learnt is that you cannot controls the negative thoughts from popping up, but you can dictate how much time you spend thinking about them

Lately I have noticed that I am becoming a ball of negative energy. My thoughts and my actions are a lot more negative than positive. I am beginning to feel like a person who is a perpetual grouch. So I decided to take back my life from this negative well. I decided to follow the metal diet as prescribed by Emmet Fox as in - http://www.alchemylab.com/seven_day_mental_diet.htm I started it on Friday. The day tunred out to be excruciatingly hard. I had a humongous headache at the end of the day. Saturday morning, I ended up fighting with my wife early in the morning and that took me back deep into my negative self. So as Emmet says, I abandoned the plan. Now I have taken a couple of days off and watched myself and my reactions. I realize that I always feel like I am getting the raw deal in every thing, which is not neccesarluy true. Today I restart the diet again. Will keep the blog updated on how it goes.